Our journey begins with a intro with lots of fuzzy cuts and lines, like the camera lens was cracked or something. Then we meet the man that is Brad Pitt, along with his wife and 2 kids. Typical morning.
Soon, they're in a car in Philly, and in traffic, when a ZAMBIE garbage truck driver drives a truck through the traffic. Brad, being as inquisitive as ever, drives behind it a ways, and eventually a hit totals their car. Nobody is hurt, and as soon as he and the kids get out, we see our first zombies. And, honestly, the zombies look well done. The effects for them made them inhuman, just voracious virus zombies hunkering for the spread of the virus instead of the urge for flesh or braaaiiiinnnnsss.
But here is where one of the movie's differences lie.
In the book, people sorta took a while to turn, minutes or even hours. In the movie, the first guy bitten takes about 14 seconds or so, not even enough time for the 'infectious pus' to form. This makes it a classic example of hollywood's tendency to do stuff for the SHOCK!
After a hijacked RV ride, the Pitt gang makes it to Jersey, thankfully not the shore, and and heads into a minimart for supplies. Since one of the kiddies has the asthma, Pitt takes her to the pharmacy, but Rigetti from the Caribbean shows up with a pistol and hoodie and says no meds until I sez so, and gives him the things.
After saving his wife fromm an attempted rape, Pitt loses the RV and calls his good buddy Token African Guy, and uses his old connections to nab a chopper. They hole up with a spanish family high in an apartment, who they ask to bring with them. The dad says no, and as soon as pitt and crew leave for the roof, ZOMBIES! Luckily the son escapes somehow, and gets to da chopper with the Pitt family.
They soon get on a Carrier with Token African Guy and we learn that Pitt is a journalist, the best, and needs to go findin da things. He gets paired with a hippie researcher, the best hope for humanity, and off to South Korea it is!
Once there, they meet a surprise zambie attack on landing. Trying to scramble back into the plane, the idiot hippie slips, and the best hope for humanity accidentally SHOOTS HIMSELF WITH HIS OWN PISTOL. This kid is a danger to his own health. The Pitt gets helped by a cool buncha army dudes led by the Beardiest Beard of the Army. After listening to the Beardman explain that shit's goin down, I found a small problem.
He says the Chinese doctor sent to Taiwan to inspect the original source of the outbreak, a village guy, got bit in the faic, and came back to nom his patients. The Beardman and co torched and shot the medical area to pieces and moved on like a buncha pros. But IN THE BOOK the chinese guy is executed due to his knowledge from the original source, a village kid.
Anyways, he mentions the SINGLE BOOK MENTION, the Indian Tiger General's group who relayed an important message safely thanks to the Tiger General blowing up a bridge with him on it, dying in the most heroic way possible.
After that, Pitt must go to Israel, the safe haven in the book, to talk to the super expert, mr. Jewish doctor.after one of the COOLEST refueling sequences in the history of ever, they go to israel.
Israel's high walls made it one of the few safe havens in Zombieworld. Once the Pitt arrives, doc gives him glorious exposition, until Shah lady decides it's karaoke time, drawing the zombies into DOING THE MOST HORRID VIOLATION OF THE BOOK.
They made a zombie mountain and scaled the wall, effectively damning israel.
I'm ok with the Zombies attracting to sound, but THAT NEVER HAPPENED.
After a quick escape and a Chuck Norris behanding, the pitt makes it out with a now right-hand-less israeli soldier named Generic Name. Their airliner heads off, and they soon recorrect their course thanks to Token African Dude's instructions over a phone.
Now, this is one part done completely right.
There is a dog on the plane, and it runs to the restroom and bark bark barks. The attendant, thinking the dog is sooo cute, dismisses this warning and opens the door, revealing a neck-nomming zambino. The back half of the plane goes zambie in minutes.
Pitt wakes up, notices that behind the blue curtain is death, and quietly gets everyone to make a luggage wall. Some dweeb drops his bag, and the zombies, tired of these mufuggin people on this mufuggin plane, fountain over the luggage and infect the rest. Pitt throws a GRENAAADE and blows a side of the plane out, causing zambies to pour out, and the plane to crashland.
Pitt wakes up with a nice souvenir rammed through his gut, and heads to the conveniently nearby research lab that they were coming to. After a long 3 days of out time, the Pitt wakes up and explains to the doctahs who he is, and they start brainstorming a way to cure the zambarinas.
Soon, after seeing zombified Shanaynay, they come up with the idea that the zambies don't attack lethally ill people, after seeing a few go untouched in Jerusalem. This leads to pitt having to head through a zombie infested B wing and recover the samples. A doc and Generic Name go too, but they made noises and fleed. The Pitt soon finds the plague lab, but gets trapped by a zombie? What he do?
He made a legit smart decision, and injected himself with a lethal bacteria. This caused him to Haters Gonna Hate past the zombie moves, even being a bad enough dude to have a Pepsi break. Once he goes through the halls, they give him the cure.
This leads to a vaccine being worldwide distributed, acting as a 'camoflauge' against zambies. This leads to people taking back cities and burning the zombos to dustings.
Braddo Pittins reunites with his family and tells us to fight back, since the war is far from over. And the movie kinda is.
