33171 replies to this topic

[Uncle Ben]

JibJab's 2013 Year in Review:

 

[furrykef]

Saw this online:
 
After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn’t discovered for 3 days.

Old. And probably fake.

[Uncle Ben]

 

Saw this online:
 
After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn’t discovered for 3 days.

Old. And probably fake.

 

 

you really like being a buzzkill to me dontchya kef

[Vlad Yvhv]

Well, today has been craptaclular... Well, technically, it's yesterday now... But at this point, I really don't give a damn...

1. Ice on everything. Truck is half under 1/4 inch of ice. Still runs, though. Yay for fuel injection. But I burned 1/8 tank of gas with the heater cranked way up and it didn't hardly melt any of it. So, now I have to borrow one of my dad's trucks.
2. Steps are also under 1/4 inch of ice. Fell down them and sorta fucked up my back a bit and sliced up my left thumb. Painkillers are finally starting to kick in...
3. Got a nifty idear for a new potential story/RPG character. Normally, that's a good thing. Bad part comes from being 7/8 done with working up character profile and the breaker decided to trip, shutting off my computer. Autosave was corrupted. 4 hours wasted...
4. I get online to find that Reed is all butt-hurt about my "no non-eangish speakers in my RPGs" policy. Hey, people... My people were forced to adopt English as our FIRST language. Your RPG characters can fucking speak it as a 99th language for all I care. But they have to speak it...
5. While trying to post this message, my internet connection crapped out on me.

[TheRedStranger]

 

 

Saw this online:
 
After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn’t discovered for 3 days.

Old. And probably fake.

 

 

you really like being a buzzkill to me dontchya kef

 

 

*Sighs....*

 

*Puts on a bus driver custom.*

 

*Goes to Africa.*

 

*Makes Ben happy.*

 

Merry Christmas...

[Shadow]

 

Well, today has been craptaclular... Well, technically, it's yesterday now... But at this point, I really don't give a damn...

1. Ice on everything. Truck is half under 1/4 inch of ice. Still runs, though. Yay for fuel injection. But I burned 1/8 tank of gas with the heater cranked way up and it didn't hardly melt any of it. So, now I have to borrow one of my dad's trucks.
2. Steps are also under 1/4 inch of ice. Fell down them and sorta fucked up my back a bit and sliced up my left thumb. Painkillers are finally starting to kick in...
3. Got a nifty idear for a new potential story/RPG character. Normally, that's a good thing. Bad part comes from being 7/8 done with working up character profile and the breaker decided to trip, shutting off my computer. Autosave was corrupted. 4 hours wasted...
4. I get online to find that Reed is all butt-hurt about my "no non-eangish speakers in my RPGs" policy. Hey, people... My people were forced to adopt English as our FIRST language. Your RPG characters can fucking speak it as a 99th language for all I care. But they have to speak it...
5. While trying to post this message, my internet connection crapped out on me.

[ILOVEVHS]

Spoiler

It was late one fall in Halloweenland,

and the air had quite a chill.

Against the moon a skeleton sat,

alone upon a hill.

He was tall and thin with a bat bow tie;

Jack Skellington was his name.

He was tired and bored in Halloweenland
"I'm sick of the scaring, the terror, the fright.

I'm tired of being something that goes bump in the night.

I'm bored with leering my horrible glances,

And my feet hurt from dancing those skeleton dances.

I don't like graveyards, and I need something new.

There must be more to life than just yelling,
'Boo!'"

Then out from a grave, with a curl and a twist,

Came a whimpering, whining, spectral mist.

It was a little ghost dog, with a faint little bark,

And a jack-o'-lantern nose that glowed in the dark.

It was Jack's dog, Zero, the best friend he had,

But Jack hardly noticed, which made Zero sad.

All that night and through the next day,

Jack wandered and walked.

He was filled with dismay.

Then deep in the forest, just before night,

Jack came upon an amazing sight.

Not twenty feet from the spot where he stood

Were three massive doorways carved in wood.

He stood before them, completely in awe,

His gaze transfixed by one special door.

Entranced and excited, with a slight sense of worry,

Jack opened the door to a white, windy flurry.

Jack didn't know it, but he'd fallen down

In the middle of a place called Christmas Town!

Immersed in the light, Jack was no longer haunted.

He had finally found the feeling he wanted.

And so that his friends wouldn't think him a liar,

He took the present filled stockings that hung by the fire.

He took candy and toys that were stacked on the shelves

And a picture of Santa with all of his elves.

He took lights and ornaments and the star from the tree,

And from the Christmas Town sign, he took the big letter C.
He picked up everything that sparkled or glowed.

He even picked up a handful of snow.

He grabbed it all, and without being seen,

He took it all back to Halloween.

Back in Halloween a group of Jack's peers

Stared in amazement at his Christmas souvenires.

For this wondrous vision none were prepared.

Most were excited, though a few were quite scared!
For the next few days, while it lightninged and thundered,

Jack sat alone and obsessively wondered.

"Why is it they get to spread laughter and cheer

While we stalk the graveyards, spreading panic and fear?

Well, I could be Santa, and I could spread cheer!

Why does he get to do it year after year?"

Outraged by injustice, Jack thought and he thought.

Then he got an idea. "Yes. . .yes. . .why not!"

In Christmas Town, Santa was making some toys

When through the din he heard a soft noise.

He answered the door, and to his surprise,

He saw weird little creatures in strange disguise.

They were altogether ugly and rather petite.

As they opened their sacks, they yelled, "Trick or treat!"

Then a confused Santa was shoved into a sack

And taken to Halloween to see mastermind Jack.
In Halloween everyone gathered once more,

For they'd never seen a Santa before

And as they cautiously gazed at this strange old man,

Jack related to Santa his masterful plan:
"
My dear Mr. Claus, I think it's a crime

That you've got to be Santa all of the time!

But now I will give presents, and I will spread cheer.

We're changing places, I'm Santa this year.

It is I who will say Merry Christmas to you!

So you may lie in my coffin, creak doors, and yell, 'Boo!'

And please, Mr. Claus, don't think ill of my plan.

For I'll do the best Santa job that I can."
And though Jack and his friends thought they'd do a good job,

Their idea of Christmas was still quite macabre.


They were packed up and ready on Christmas Eve day

When Jack hitched his reindeer to his sleek coffin sleigh,

But on Christmas Eve as they were about to begin,

A Halloween fog slowly rolled in.

Jack said, "We can't leave; this fog's just too thick.

There will be no Christmas, and I can't be St. Nick."
Then a small glowing light pierced through the fog.

What could it be?. . .It was Zero, Jack's dog!
Jack said, "Zero, with your nose so bright,

Won't you guide my sleigh tonight?"
And to be so needed was Zero's great dream,

So he joyously flew to the head of the team.

And as the skeletal sleigh started its ghostly flight,

Jack cackled, "Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"

'Twas the nightmare before Christmas, and all though the house,

Not a creature was peaceful, not even a mouse.

The stockings all hung by the chimney with care,

When opened that morning would cause quite a scare!

The children, all nestled so snug in their beds,

Would have nightmares of monsters and skeleton heads.

The moon that hung over the new-fallen snow

Cast an eerie pall over the city below,

And Santa Claus's laughter now sounded like groans,

And the jingling bells like chattering bones.

And what to their wondering eyes should appear,

But a coffin sleigh with skeleton deer.

And a skeletal driver so ugly and sick

They knew in a moment, this can't be St. Nick!

From house to house, with a true sense of joy,

Jack happily issued each present and toy.

From rooftop to rooftop he jumped and he skipped,

Leaving presents that seemed to be straight from a crypt!

Unaware that the world was in panic and fear,

Jack merrily spread his own brand of cheer.

He visited the house of Susie and Dave;

They got a Gumby and Pokey from the grave.

Then on to the home of little Jane Neeman;

She got a baby doll possessed by a demon.

A monstrous train with tentacle tracks,

A ghoulish puppet wielding an ax,

A man eating plant disguised as a wreath,

And a vampire teddy bear with very sharp teeth.
There were screams of terror, but Jack didn't hear it,

He was much too involved with his own Christmas spirit!

Jack finally looked down from his dark, starry frights

And saw the commotion, the noise, and the light.

"Why, they're celebrating, it looks like such fun!

They're thanking me for the good job that I've done."

But what he thought were fireworks meant as goodwill

Were bullets and missiles intended to kill.

Then amidst the barrage of artillery fire,

Jack urged Zero to go higher and higher.

And away they all flew like the storm of a thistle,

Until they were hit by a well guided missile.

And as they fell on the cemetery, way out of sight,

Was heard, "Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good
night."

Jack pulled himself up on a large stone cross,

And from there he reviewed his incredible loss.

"I thought I could be Santa, I had such belief."

Jack was confused and filled with great grief.

Not knowing where to turn, he looked toward the sky,

Then he slumped on the grave and he started to cry.

And as Zero and Jack lay crumpled on the ground,

They suddenly heard a familiar sound.
"My dear Jack," said Santa,
"I applaud your intent.

I know wreaking such havoc was not what you meant.

And so you are sad and feeling quite blue,

But taking over Christmas was the wrong thing to do.

I hope you realize Halloween's the right place for you.

There's a lot more, Jack, that I'd like to say,

But now I must hurry, for it's almost Christmas day."

Then he jumped in his sleigh,
and with a wink of an eye,

He said, "Merry Christmas," and he bid them good bye.

Back home, Jack was sad, but then, like a dream,

Santa brought Christmas to the land of Halloween.

- "The Nightmare Before Christmas",
written by Tim Burton,
Copyright 1982.

[Uncle Ben]

You know you could put a spoiler tag on this...

[ILOVEVHS]

You know you could put a spoiler tag on this...

Fixed.

[Uncle Ben]

So my old high school got an interesting gift.

 

the flag that once flew on the USS Carl Vinson

[SonicAaliyahFan]

Well, got a busy day tomorrow. I'm gonna take video and pix of me, my fam and my friend's fam opening presents in the morning and if i have time tomorrow night i'll post them. In case i haven't shared you guys the 411, i live at my friend's house and my brother does too,  but thank God me and my fam gonna move to an apartment in a month or two.

 

Real quick i wanna say to all of you FUS members:

 

 Have a very merry blessed christmas! May your day tomorrow be full of spirit, kindness, family values, love, and most importantly, Jesus! 

 

Hahaha yep Jesus is the reason for the season...   unfortunately my friend's 6-year old daughter believes in Santa so me and Aaliyah have to play along and say something like "OMG look what Santa brought me!"   LOL. Well, gotta go, goodnight everyone!

[Uncle Ben]

 

[ILOVEVHS]

 

[Shadow]

[RedAuthar]

Get the beatin' sticks. 

[furrykef]

As much as I loathe to defend Justin Bieber, he didn't intentionally disrespect Anne Frank, and rape does happen for a reason. All crime does. There's a difference between saying it happens for a reason and saying it's in any way justified.

The other things still make him sound like a dick, though.

[ILOVEVHS]

STONE THEM!

[Uncle Ben]

I'll get my beating stick

[GamemasterAnthony]

Nah...we need something better than a beating stick for those guys.  PIT!

 

*Pit brings in the Capricorn Club*

 

There we go!  *gets looks*  This is what you get when you have friends in high places, folks.

[Shadow]

Anyone who has a Family Guy Stewie pendant made out of diamonds is an asshole.