9 replies to this topic

[MaRaMa-TSG]

Ok so, this is a very personal question. I do have a very stubborn answer in my mind but I always want to hear other's opinions.
So yeah... Usually "Age doesn't matter" but the age gap here is very long. A 24 year old female with a 49 year old male.

This comes not from a random crush, but a very fond friendship the grew more and more the longer time passed.
It's a very complicated and long story that I might or might not tell one day...

[An7imatt3r]

I have herd of worse age gaps. Besides if you are good enough friends and know each other well enough age shouldn't matter, you are both mature enough to understand what you are doing. Not giving it shot would deny you the chance of ever knowing if it would have worked. My guess is that you are thinking somewhere along the lines of will it ruin our current friends ship if things don't work out. The answer is; it could, and i won't say if you let it, because more often than not those things are out of your control. In the end its whether you feel comfortable enough with it. Obviously and rightfully so you have some reservations with it, but if you get past that, then nothing should stop you from trying to have a normal relationship. If you go into this thinking about age difference its only going to lead to problems.

[Vlad Yvhv]

Call me whatever y'want... But I don't think relationships outside of one's own generation are a good idea... Sure, it may work out for a few years or so, but you're bound to run into problems, as one of you is barely an adult and the other is approaching senior citizen status...

But, I'm not one to stand in the way of those who think they're in love... If you both decide to persue it, then I wish ya the best...

[furrykef]

Having been in a similar situation (only 18-19 years difference, I think, but I was 17, so yeah), well, I don't really know, 'cause in my case it didn't work out. But it didn't scar me for life, either. You can imagine it freaked the hell out of my family, though... especially when he came over -- all the way from the UK -- for a visit. ^^; But I'm still sure we were both well-intentioned, which is the important thing, and I think I did learn something about what love means.

Incidentally, I happen to be writing a graphic novel that has this sort of thing as a theme (probably inspired by my own relationship): the protagonist is a 17-year-old warrior princess who has taken to a much older man because she considers him her only true friend and can't imagine being with anybody else. But in this case the man is kinda weirded out by the whole thing...

- Kef

[MaRaMa-TSG]

Call me whatever y'want... But I don't think relationships outside of one's own generation are a good idea... Sure, it may work out for a few years or so, but you're bound to run into problems, as one of you is barely an adult and the other is approaching senior citizen status...

But, I'm not one to stand in the way of those who think they're in love... If you both decide to persue it, then I wish ya the best...

I'm not blind to the many problems such a thing could bring. That's why I like hearing other's opinions, so I can think of everything.

The main problem is already partway here. He's ill, and an illness that has no cure and only gets worst with time.

I didn't want to mention details at first as it might change the answers in the poll. But never mind the poll, I wanna know what you guys think.

At the moment there's still a friendship, only I feel this way even with his age and condition, he sees me only as a friend. The reason always ask this it's....just in case. If something would eventually change, that he would feel the same. To know what I should be looking for. Aside from the obvious. To be conscious about it. I want to avoid getting hurt but even more avoid hurting him. I think, I'm still young, many things could happen. But he's not and his condition might shorten his life-span even more, so I wish to make him happy before that happens.

Also, I did a petition for him a while ago, a year ago. But it's ongoing as his condition only worsens with time: http://marama-tsg.deviantart.com/art/P- ... N-92137718

[salamander]

I couldn't say, even if I did know all the circumstances. I would just be cautious about letting strong emotions cloud your judgement, especially since this involves both love and illness. It's important to keep a rational mind and don't make any major decisions when you're feeling anxious.
If it comes that he shares your feelings, and you both feel comfortable about it, well, you are both adults and you can decide if you want to take it further.
I would just play it slowly, cherish the relationship you do have, and if anything does develop of its own accord, listen to any doubts you have and decide what is best for the both of you.

[MaRaMa-TSG]

I couldn't say, even if I did know all the circumstances. I would just be cautious about letting strong emotions cloud your judgement, especially since this involves both love and illness. It's important to keep a rational mind and don't make any major decisions when you're feeling anxious.
If it comes that he shares your feelings, and you both feel comfortable about it, well, you are both adults and you can decide if you want to take it further.
I would just play it slowly, cherish the relationship you do have, and if anything does develop of its own accord, listen to any doubts you have and decide what is best for the both of you.

This is why I like to ask others opinions. Because I might wish and desire for something but that's always selfish and I can't be sure if what I want is best for the both of us. I know you can't tell me what's gonna happen or what's best but at least I can see other points of view.

Right now, I'm sort of passively wishing. Letting things happen on their own if they will but at the same time being really attentive and doing things to make him be happy with me.

Anyway, thanks to everyone who commented. I might just stop my rambles now. I'm aware I just like talking about it and I feel that could sort of jinx it. ^^;

[Inhibitor]

Uh, hello? Aaron Johnson anyone? The 'Kick-Ass' dude? He's engaged to a cougar, which, in my opinion, is gut-busting hilarious.

[Lord Exor]

I am not qualified to provide seasoned commentary on any topic concerning relationships, seeing as to how I have never experienced one, nor do I possess the faculties to engage in such an association.

However, I do consider myself wise enough to inform you that the best course of action is for you to maintain your current, strictly platonic affiliation with him--and leave it at that.

[Whammy]

I'll give you a literally perfect example in Hollywood: Michael Douglas & Catherine Zeta-Jones. He's EXACTLY 25 years older than her (9/25/44 & 9/25/69). And as we always see in this TMZ world, relationships in Hollywood are infinitely harder to maintain. But they've continued to do so.

It's very unsettling to see an extreme age gap, for sure. Heck, even 10 years is tough to swallow for many. But if everything about a couple's relationship suggests that it's a real love, no hidden motives, or any stuff like that, we should all be open and accepting to it. What's meant to be should be left to be.