In honor of today's very special day, I present to you a list of 5 Friday the 13th movies that almost got made.
Or just check out the link where I stole all this from: http://bloody-disgus...at-almost-were/
(btw these are all fake, just for fun what ifs?)
JASON OF CRYSTAL LAKE
(aka Summer Camp of Dishonor on a Friday Afternoon)
The Mancusos and Paramount were excited to turn Jason into a property like Freddy Krueger had become for New Line. The desire was to branch out to younger kids and make a monster with the appeal of the old Universal Monsters. 1989 was meant to be the turning point, as February saw the successful launch of the Friday the 13th NES Game. Not wanting to miss a chance to strike, Paramount worked with emerging anime house Studio Ghibli to produce a horror anime feature film for the Summer of 1989. Ghibli jumped at the chance to pair a darker film with their planned launch of Kiki’s Delivery Service in late July.
The film was an animated retread of Jason’s origin and a loose magical interpretation mash-up of the first four films. Gone were Voorhees’ deformities and most of his parentage. Pamela Voorhees was treated as a magical mother figure that had died when Jason was very young. Blessing Jason with her magical sweater, she entrusted him to the care of the local Summer Camp. The camp counselors were cruel and ignored Jason to his detriment. Many later scholars would see early touchpoints that would be revisited in Spirited Away during these sequences.
One night, while trying to visit the local Water Fairy for guidance, Jason’s poor body gave out and sunk beneath Crystal Lake’s dark waters. Years passed and no one looked for him, as Jason faded into memory. The camp changed hands and a group of exciting new young people came to bring honor back to the summer camp. This awoke Jason, as his mother’s magical sweater had placed in him a protective coma in the watery depths.
Rising out of Crystal Lake, Jason returned to judge the teenagers living at the Camp. If you bring shame to your family and dishonor their memory with sex and drugs, Jason would kill you. If you were pure and righteous, Jason would let you live to see the following Saturday. The plot seemed simple enough until the final mandated scene that would make Miyazaki sever all ties to Paramount…
After Jason realizes that all teenagers will eventually bring dishonor to themselves and Camp Crystal Lake, Jason decides to eliminate all camp residents. The youthful Tommy Jarvis, after learning how to successfully summon the dead, turns his counselor Ginny Fields into Pamela Voorhees. Jason feels confused by the return of his beloved mother and begs forgiveness. That’s when Tommy beheads him and allows Jason’s spirit to rest in the Great Beyond. Realizing that the camp needs a new Guardian, Tommy gives himself to the Spirit of the Lake and vanishes.
Upon seeing the mandated final scene, not amped up on the idea of animated nudity and gore…Miyazaki mumbled the only words he knew in English at the time. With a hardy “get…the…fuck…out”, Paramount was never allowed back at Studio Ghibli again.
TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES: THE KRANG BEHIND THE MASK
(aka Friday the 13th Part IX: Heroes In A Slash-Shell)
The Mancusos and Paramount were excited to find a way to spin Jason into a bigger Intellectual Property asset after the Anime plan fell through. Now, they were teaming with New Line Cinema, Mirage Studios and Playmates to launch a mass-media push for Jason. Tying into what would’ve been the Turtles’ first feature film, the Laird/Eastman creations were going to fight Jason Voorhees.
The film was scheduled to open shortly after the events of Jason Takes Manhattan. Scheduling the film for an October 1989 release to capitalize on the 1-2 punch of having two Jason films in the same year, Paramount thought it was a license to print money. The toy line was set to launch the Saturday after release, while the film was going to have the largest opening for a Friday the 13th film with a whopping 2700 screens.
Due to unforeseen behind-the-scenes legal issues, while produced in conjunction with the original 1990 Stephen Herek Turtles film, it did not actually see release until 1992. Because of this, instead of starring the April O’Neil from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2: The Secret of the Ooze (Paige Turco), The Krang Behind The Mask still has originator Judith Hoag in the role.
The film would open in the gritty, Miller-esque NYC of the “TMNT” comics. The Turtles would be legit ninjas created by the Henson Creature Shop in conjunction with Digital Domain. April O’Neill and her news team would open the film by investigating strange disappearances around the city’s sewer tunnels and open connections. The homeless, drug addicts and teenage runaways are disappearing in record numbers and the NYPD doesn’t care.
That’s when April asks the Turtles to get involved and they setup a sting to catch the villain that’s stealing the poor and downtrodden. The Turtles search through the main sewers under Manhattan where they learn about a recent attack and toxic waste flush that killed a hockey mask wearing maniac. Piecing together what happened, they track the irradiated footsteps of the maniac around town via Donatello’s recently made Geiger Goggles.
Days go by and the Turtles finally get a hit under 42nd Street. That’s when they find Jason mutated beyond belief and with open sores all over his body. He turns around to reveal a tiny tumor like brain creature living in his stomach. It screams and hisses at the Turtles, and then it makes Jason attack the Turtles. The Turtles fight hard, but barely escape the scene with their lives.
The Turtles spend time healing, as Splinter orders Casey Jones to hunt down the masked maniac. Splinter listens to his sons tell him about their encounter, as Splinter seems familiar with the beast they encountered. Splinter relates the story of the Oni (Japanese demon myth) and how one can defeat the supernatural.
April follows Casey Jones, as she has been studying what the Turtles found in the sewers. She recounts the story of Jason Voorhees and Crystal Lake. She recounts the film series to this point, as Casey ups his weapon game. This sequence leads to the April and Casey love scene with several frames of exposed full frontal nudity of both parties. The scene was omitted on the first VHS release of the film. But, there are plans to restore the scene as part of the upcoming Twilight Time limited edition release.
The Turtles are now prepared to make the ultimate decision of killing an enemy to put an end to the masked maniac. The Oni in the masked maniac seems to be his power source, as Splinter believes the host body will die without it. Researching further, Splinter learns that the Oni is named Krang and that it might have been summoned to Earth by Shredder. The scene goes no further, as it was part of a larger plot that was dropped when noted screenwriter William Goldman was thrown off the project.
The Turtles arrive to help out Casey and April, when they find that Jason/Krang has murdered the duo and left April’s mangled nude form wedged in a septic line. Raphael swears revenge, as the other three Turtles prepare a final showdown. This development leads to a montage of the Turtles uncharacteristically murdering Foot Clan soldiers Rocksteady and Bebop for information on Jason/Krang. While many critics cited the lack of logic in this sequence, returning director Danny Steinmann was famous for saying that all questions about the movie should be directed to his rectum.
After luring Jason to the NYC Water Supply Station in Flushing, Donatello came up with a plan to flush Jason out of the city. After Splinter researched and learned that Jason was a former drowning victim, the team decided the only way to kill the Oni was by re-staging his death by drowning. Jason falls into a series of traps set up by Raphael and Leonardo, as Michelangelo tricks Jason into following him deeper into the main valve.
Donatello cracks open the main valve, as Mikey barely gets out in time. 300,000 pounds of pressure crash into Jason, as it flushes him out into the Atlantic Ocean. Sparks shoot off his machete, as he tries to claw his way down the pipes to slow himself down. Jason convulses and thrashes, as he flash backs to his drowning and realizes that he’s about to die the same way again. Jason panics in the water and rips Krang out of his stomach. The tiny brain tumor alien drowns when exposed to the rushing water, as Jason lets himself go.
Hours go by, as the area flushes out. The Turtles check the pipes and only finds the dead Krang and Jason’s machete. The maniac is gone for now.
Time passes, as we realize that it’s a year or two later in New Jersey. Soggy foot steps are heard, as they pound into the dirt road leading to the closed Camp Crystal Lake. We whip around to reveal the monstrous mutated Jason of Jason Goes to Hell. He’s home.
The film was quickly pulled by New Line and Paramount after two weeks in wide release. 5-9 year olds were traumatized upon seeing the film, while slightly older kids called it the greatest fucking movie about turtles ever made. Roger Ebert would spend an entire episode of “At the Movies” slamming Gene Siskel for defending the release of this movie.
After the reception to the film was so toxic, New Line quickly (and cheaply) threw what is now known as Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III (it was simply released as TMNT: Turtles In Time initially) into production for an early 1993 release, using a discarded script they had lying around and ignoring the events of the Jason crossover. This makes the inclusion of Hoag as April in The Krang Behind The Mask even more amusing, because she once again refused to return and Paige Turco received the nod a second time. As a result, the dark & violent odd-numbered films star Hoag and the light-hearted even-numbered ones star Turco (since Turtles In Time is technically the 4th).
VHS copies of The Krang Behind The Mask are extremely hard to come by and it never made it to DVD, thus remaining a holy grail for collectors and fans alike. Until such time as it sees a new home video release (fingers crossed on that Twilight Time disc!), cherish any physical copy that you can get your hands on, be it legitimate or a bootleg. Whatever price you have to pay to own it, I assure you that the film is worth it.
JASON VS. THE PUNISHER
Cunningham, having regained control of the series in the early 90s before the move to New Line Cinema, was ultimately disappointed with how Jason Goes To Hell turned out and especially how fans had reacted to it. While he had never been a fans of the Turtles team-up, he toyed with the idea of teaming up Jason with another property to boost the franchise. He managed to pick up the rights to the Marvel Comics character The Punisher on the cheap.
Marvel was selling off everything back then and Cunningham took full advantage of the fact that they were more concerned with quick cash than long-term deals. While New Line initially pushed for a star to portray Frank Castle, Cunningham chose to save some money and managed to secure Dolph Lundgren to reprise his role from the earlier 1989 Punisher adaptation. Lundgren convinced Sean to hire his I Come In Peace director Craig R. Baxley to helm the film and Cunningham complied, given that Baxley wasn’t an expensive choice either. Ultimately, the project fell apart because New Line, after looking at the project’s pedigree at the time, wanted to spend less and take it direct-to-video. Cunningham refused to agree to what he viewed as a nail in the franchise’s coffin, so the project collapsed.
The script saw an occult-obsessed NYC mob boss coming to Crystal Lake to obtain secrets texts rumored to be hidden within the basement of the rotting Voorhees mansion. Don Mancuso wants to use black magic powers to gain immortality and rebuild his criminal empire in the Big Apple. Frank Castle, having wiped out all other crime syndicates, follows Don Mancuso. In addition to granting him supernatural powers, The Don’s dark magic tinkerings also revive Jason. Voorhees goes on a killing spree, wiping out townspeople and the mob alike. The finale saw Mancuso taking a children’s camp hostage while Jason rampages through the Don’s goons and the Punisher tries to hold Voorhees at bay. The finale culminated in a supernatural explosion that left the Don dead and blew Jason back to the bottom of the lake.
The insane finale. Don Mancuso is firing black magic lightning bolts at The Punisher, while Frank unloads a heavy machine gun into Jason. The Don conjures up too much power and explodes when shot in the head by Frank, causing a supernatural shockwave of power that lights Jason ablaze and sends him rocketing back into Crystal Lake.
JASON KILLS!: ADJUST YOUR SLASHING
After marveling at the meta-horror slasher craze birthed by his pal Wes Craven’s Scream (as well as New Nightmare) and catching Hideo Nakata’s striking film Ringu at a festival screening, producer Sean S. Cunningham is struck with inspiration. He quickly hires a writer to create a mash-up meta-sequel where a horror fan discovers an unreleased, supposedly-cursed Friday the 13th film from 1980s. The idea was to have it in theaters for Friday, August 13th, 1999. New Line, unfortunately, did not go for it, opting instead for a competing science fiction-tinged script…Jason X. So what did Sean’s bright “original” idea entail…
The powers that be have lied! Rummaging through a yard sale at the creepy house down the street on Friday the 13th, young Victor “Vic” Savini discovered a VHS workprint for an unreleased Friday the 13th film from 1987. His neighbor, a failed actor who appeared in the film, refuses to discuss its creation and disappears shortly after bequeathing it to him. Vic isn’t too phased, however. He has a new unseen Jason movie! After he and a group of friends party and watch the film later that night, something strange happens. One by one, his friends are being brutally murdered as Jason himself comes out of their television sets and into their homes. Can Vic and his remaining friends use their knowledge of the franchise to save themselves or will they all fall prey to the rules of the slasher as Jason wields his machete without mercy!
Jason rises out of a body of water on the screen, crawls out of the TV, and kills Vic’s best friend as he’s watching a mock version of “Dawson’s Creek“. An absolute rip-off of Ringu, but it could have been a memorable one.
FRIDAY THE 13TH: THE CRYSTAL LAKE DIARIES
After Platinum Dunes failed to produce a sequel to their 2009 reboot, around 2012, Cunningham messed around with the idea of tapping into the found footage craze. Wanting to have another Jason romp in theaters for 2013 (for obvious reasons), he ultimately landed on the idea of partially rehashing the plot of The New Blood, with a young woman returning to the scene of a past trauma as part of her therapy. She would have been followed by her family and a film crew, who would document the trip for the pop-psych bullshit talk show that was footing the bill. The idea never made it to the scripting stage for numerous reasons, chief of all being fan complaints online that they had tired of the found footage sub-genre.
While nothing was ever fully written out, Cunningham’s inspiration for it came from watching an episode of “Dr. Phil“. Sean wanted a fabricated scene for the mock TV series where their version of Dr. Phil has the lead and what’s supposed to be a stuntman dressed as Jason are both getting screamed at by Faux Dr. Phil. Unbeknownst to our leads and the crew, the real Jason is sitting on set after having killed the fake one. After Faux Dr. Phil screams at him and gets in his face, Jason impales him and splits him in two.